Pokemon: ShadowKick Green
by WanderingStudent
Summary: Crackish One-Shot. Johnny learns why you should never play with inter-realm portals. You end up in the middle of nowhere, where no-one's heard of you, and cats talk, apparently.


It was an amazing day.

The sun was out, not a cloud in sight.

There was just one small problem that John Carlton, AKA the famous Johnny Cage, had with this idyllic setting.

He had no idea where the hell he was.

"Oh, man, this sucks! I'm late for my audition, the masseuse cancelled, and to top it all off, I finally get Sonya to agree to a date, but noooooooo, I have to get myself lost in her goddamn portal machine thing!

* * *

><p>Alas, Cage had pursued Sonya Blade of the Earthrealm Special Forces for years, since they had met during the first Mortal Kombat tournament. Ever since then, Johnny had set his sights on her, the only girl who could take the "caging" as Johnny believed.<p>

After many calls, punches to the face, and an alarming number of montages to 'All by Myself' (ala Friends) Cage had finally got her to go out on a date, appearing inside the Special Forces base, thanks to Raiden. The only way to avoid a beatdown at the hands of Lieutenant Blade was, to put it bluntly, lay a big fat sloppy one on her. Unfortunately, after she had agreed to go out, Cage's jubilation reached new heights, unseen since the release of 'Breaknose Mountain'. And in his jubilation, Johnny began to dance as soon as Sonya left the large room.

And Johnny was not a good dancer. He stubbed his toe, and began clutching his foot. Hopping up and down in pain, he unknowingly found himself at the Interrealm Transit Device, which was capable of generating portals to other realms. Waving his arms in a vain attempt to fall on the controls, he accidentally dragged his hand across the panel, activating the machine, and tumbled into the glowing blue gateway.

And thus, he had tumbled out of nothingness into this apparent triumph of nature, only to watch the portal close behind him as he made a mad dash for it.

* * *

><p>Tugging at his bow tie, (he had come in his trademark blue suit and pink shirt) Johnny stared through his shades at the blazing sun. Pulling out his iPhone, he accessed the GPS application. As soon as it loaded up, Johnny was bemused. Was his iPhone's connection screwed up?<p>

The screen displayed a map of a region called 'Unova'. Was that the name of a dietary yogurt or something? Where the hell was he?

Suddenly, the bushes behind him began to shake. Turning around, he got into his fighting stance.

Out from the vegetation burst forth a man and a woman dressed in black, along with a cat of sorts. The man held a cage, from which a yellow mass could be spied between the bars. After staring at them for a few seconds, Cage also noticed that the man had purple hair, both him and the woman had a large red 'R' emblazoned across their chest, and that the cat that they had with them was standing upright.

Seeking to break the silence, Johnny did so with a simple "Hi."

The two in black simply stared up at the man in the powder blue suit and sunglasses, and responded similarly.

"Listen, I don't know where I am, any chance you guys could direct me to the nearest town?"

This time, the cat responded. "Sure, there's a small town to your east-" the cat could not finish its sentence, for Cage had promptly dashed over to it and picked it up.

"Wow, you can talk? Listen, I'm a movie star, and I'm in need of an assistant. You know, someone to get me my drinks, take my calls, and tell me I'm awesome…."

"What the – no!" the cat responded, flabbergasted.

"What? I'm Johnny Cage! You know, _Tommy Sissorfists, Ninja Mime, Citizen Cage_. Who wouldn't want to work for me? It's a life of luxury! All the milk and balls of string in the world, I tell ya!"

However, before Johnny could regail the feline with even more tales of the benefit of a Hollywood life, he was knocked to the ground by the purple haired man.

"Hands, off, shades!"

"Shades?"

"He's Team Rocket property!" stated the woman, loudly.

"Team what-now?" a mystified Johnny said.

"What? You've never heard of us? Hang on, just one sec." With that, the trio vanished, leaving Johnny to stand up and scratch his head in puzzlement.

"Ohhhhhhhhh-Kaaaay."

All of a sudden, the trio burst out of nowhere again, but before Cage could respond, they burst into what seemed like song.

* * *

><p><em>Prepare for trouble!<em>

_Make it double!_

_To protect the world from devastation!_

_To unite all peoples within our nation!_

_To denounce the evils of truth and love!_

_To extend our reach to the stars above!_

_Jessie!_

_James!_

_Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!_

_Surrender now, or prepare to f_ –

**_WHAM_**

* * *

><p>James and Jessie were sent flying by a green blur, revealed to be Cage with his leg outstretched in his infamous 'Shadow Kick' pose.<p>

"God, that was getting annoying. What I wouldn't give for Liu gobbling like a turkey relentlessly in my ear."

Before Cage could finish musing on the presence of Shaolin Monks in the area, the cat had leapt up and scratched his leg.

Recoiling from the attack, Johnny slowly lowered his head to look at his ripped pants.

Under his shades, his gaze darkened.

"My. Suit."

One second, Meowth was there, and the next, he was flying through the air, cast away by Cage's Shadow Backflip.

"Ha! He got caged!" Johnny loudly boasted, unawares of the pair getting up behind him.

"Why would you hit a Pokemon like that?" James half bawled.

"He attacked me first, and what the hell is a Pokeyman?" Cage replied, half confused, half-enraged at the destruction of one of his most favoured articles of clothing.

Jessie and James both looked at each other.

"Are you for real?" Jessie asked.

"More real than your boyfriend's hair. Oh, snap!" Johnny slapped his knee, and laughed.

James blushed. How could Cage know that he dyed his hair?

Jessie, on the other hand was getting rather angry.

"How dare you!"

Cage turned to face her. "You want a beatdown too, sunshine? Here it comes!

* * *

><p>Five miles away…..<p>

Meowth slowly detached himself from the ground with great care. Groaning, he did not see Jessie and James plummeting towards him at speed that would make Kabal green with envy.

* * *

><p>Relaxing from his kombat stance, Johnny looked around for anything that could help him now those three idiots were out of his hair.<p>

"Looks like that James guy dropped his wallet. Maybe I can find some local currency in here."

Opening the pink fluffy wallet, Cage found –

. A photo of Brad Pitt

. An 'R' keychain

. A number of sketches for giant robotic fish

. and approximately 20, 000 yen.

"Oh, well, at least I'm still in Earthrealm. That cat thing said there was a town east of here, I should get moving."

"Pika Pi?"

"WHAT? WHO NEEDS TO PEE?" Johnny turned around, shouting for no reason. Slowly, his eyes fell upon the cage. Turning it around, he saw that it contained a large yellow mouse, with red circles on its cheeks.

As could be expected, all tough guys have a ridiculous vulnerability, and Johnny happened to love cute little furry things.

"Man, you're so freakin' adorable! Hold on, little guy, I'll get you outta here! Johnny grasped the bars of the cage, and with a firm tug, tore the door off. The yellow mouse dashed out of the cage, and into the forest, with Johnny Cage still following, desperate to dress him up in cute little outfits, and ...do other things. Let's leave it at that.

* * *

><p><em>I'm gonna be the very best,<em>

_Like no one ever was…._

_To make good movies is my real test,_

_To kick ass is my cause…._

_I will travel across the realms,_

_Searching far and wide….._

_For a director to understand,_

_The talent that's inside…_

_Johnny Cage!_

_If you try to fight me,_

_I'll do a fatality!_

_Johnny Cage!_

_Oh, I'm so pretty,_

_But Ninja Mime was shitty!_

_Johnny Cage,_

_Shades so cool,_

_My mad skills will pull us through,_

_You touch me and I'll kill you!_

_Johnny Cage!_

* * *

><p><strong>I don't know why I donated my time to this. Don't worry, Book 4: Kombat and The Breach are still being worked on, they are not cancelled. <strong>

**On another topic, I got the new Mortal Kombat on release date, and IT KICKS ASS. As should be expected, Johnny kicks ass too.**

* * *

><p><strong>And to Mr. E, Tongue. That is all.<br>**


End file.
